Friday, May 22, 2009
Okay, so I started a blog to get my thoughts out, whoever reads it, reads it. Somethings you, the reader should know about me; I'm 14, 15 in October, live on the East Coast USA and am finishing my last year in middle school. As for the title of my blog, it's a line from a Motley Crue song that I thought sounded cool, it has no meaning other than that. The name of this first entry is from a song too, by Disturbed, I think I chose it because I sort of seem like a sick freak to some people, not right in the head... Maybe I'm not? Who knows, I sure don't. I mainly wanted a blog to vent to, even if no one reads it it lets me get my thoughts out, I guess I could keep a journal, but I'm not so inclined and I'm on the computer alot so a blog seemed to be the natural choice.
Today we (Me and my sister) had off of school as part of the Memorial Day weekend. I woke up around 11:13 today, don't know why I remember the time that well. After a normal morning I started thinking about pain and one thing led to another and I freaked out. It doesn't help that on Wednesday it will be the 2 year anniversary of my mom's death by a fatal heart attack while we were eating lunch. I did a bunch of stuff today, signed up for a forum (again) that I frequent called Facepunch, decided to 'refresh my account' that way, start anew? Maybe it's symbollic for what I'm starting to do in real life... I don't know. I go to a therapist on Wednesday for some issues that surfaced when finally after almost 2 years I started having shit happen from my mom's death. I listened to alot of music today, mostly Sublime. I really like Sublime. Hm... I wonder now about calling my friend, let's call him 'X' for privacies sake. X is cool when he's not being a dick, I met him through another friend, sorta, let's call this other friend 'Y'. Me and Y, I'll admit this to the internet, mainly got together because he smoked weed with his brother and I wanted to try it, I did, I liked it, so every maybe once or twice a month we'd have a little together, this is how I met X. I knew X a little before that, but never hung out with him. Well we did for a while and I started to dislike X because he's a dick alot. I call him everyonce in awhile for boredom's sake though. I stopped smoking weed way back in November because of school. No withdrawl or anything, just stopped and went on with life. I will say this once, I like it, I like weed, but for now I don't need it or want it. Anyway, my mental state lately has been bad because of the approaching date of my Mom's death, I'm paranoid and hypochondriactic about everything... Alot of things at least and this blog helps me vent them in some little way. I'm hoping to ask my dad to get me a CD or two tomorrow when we go to Borders, that's something else about me, I really love music, and try to make it but don't have alot of follow through on it. That's an issue for another day though, not today. I ate 1lb of mac and cheese earlier ago, that's something else about me, I'm fat, BUT DON'T POINT IT OUT, I ALREADY KNOW!!! And I'm trying to fix that, I have pills for cholesterol and I'm hoping to get a trainer for my bike so I can work out in the AC during the summer. I'm paranoid to take the meds I got, but I'm taking them tonight one way or another, just gotta man up for somethings. I wish I could realize that manning up for one thing doesn't make you lose all control of yourself, but I think that it does and it's bad because my mind makes it almost sorta come true via my subconcious oh well, I guess I'm done rambling on in this blog post for now, got me calmed down some, gonna go on FurryMUCK some I guess or FP, who knows, I'm just bored. And for now, happy.